Words from the Wise.
One of my favorite suggestions I’ve reached so far in White’s book (see previous entries if you’re confused) was to ask your closest friends the following two questions…
- Where do you see me next?
- What do you think would make me happy at this point in my life?
As a 20-something we have to be thinking at least a little ahead. It seems for me and my friends at least, that there are always decisions to be made and changes to be faced. In that, it’s important to seek council and most importantly wise council. Don’t ask advice from those who will tell you what you want to hear! What’s the point? If you’re going to do things your own way, then don’t waste their time and words. Seek advice from people who will give you open, honest, real responses.
I sent an e-mail to three ladies I most often seek life & career advice from and asked them in their own time, to answer these questions for me. Feeling that their insight would be beneficial as I’m making some life and career choices over the next month. Job related decisions are always difficult and for me, intimidating! Also, I’m facing some decisions about whether or not to move forward with purchasing my first home! This decision is uber exciting but again, intimidating.
The three ladies I chose love me and have been shown to tough love me when I need it and tell me what I may not want to hear but need to hear at that time. For them, I am grateful. Good friends are diamonds in the rough in today’s society and I hope it will never be said that I take mine for granted. Having gone through a season of my life full of acquaintances and lacking true friends, I make it a priority to honor them!
Here is some of the advice they gave me… Note: I’m posting this a while after this advice was given as I was waiting until I determined what would happen with the new job. These ladies being some of my best friends knew about it before I could reveal the idea via the Internet, for obvious reasons.
From C: Okay, so where do I see you next. I feel like this is hard because I know what you want next but when I think about it I believe it’s who you are and truly where your life is headed. I see you definitely staying in Tampa, and making roots there and finding a home for yourself-so you can be independent 
I see you taking a job with a bigger organization so that you can reach out to more people and feel more challenged and use your gifts fully. I see you possibly continuing your education so you can learn more and gain more knowledge about the world, maybe even in a different area than social work. Even if I knew nothing about the Family First deal I would see you going to something bigger than where you are now. It’s who you are!
I think there are a few things that would make you happy right NOW! although i thought a new handbag may be one i decided maybe that’s not pertinent anyway, i think being independent, financially, spiritually, and mentally is the number one for you. and i totally think you are doing that! I think you are happiest when you feel like you are accomplishing things and making it happen on your own! Although you work awesome with others and recognize what others contribute to your success you like to be free and make decisions on your own and feel confidant in your ability to do so. I think the second thing that makes you happiest is giving. Being able to make a difference for other people and give back to others makes you thrive. You have the most giving spirit of anyone I know, and I personally need to strive to be more like that. So with that said, being in a position (job) where you feel you are making a contribution to people and helping others find happiness would make you the happiest. Finally, learning and growth makes you happy. You are always looking for knowledge and wisdom, especially spiritually, to better yourself. Therefore, any opportunity for you to learn would make you happy.
She knows me so well, doesn’t she? It is a blessing to have encouraging, wise, and insightful friends. She allows me to use her as a sounding board and let me just tell you I’m full of thoughts ALL the time. My brain feels like it’s on speed sometimes, I can’t keep up with all the ideas running through it. C is a fabulous friend and a joy to be around. I wish she was here in Tampa so that I could spend more time with her but of all my friends I moved away from she has probably done the most to ensure that our friendship hasn’t suffered in the least from our distance. As you may have guessed, I’m taking much of this advice – including enrolling in a personal finance course for next month and increasing my involvement at church.
Mer as per her normal way had a short but sweet response that including being a ‘baller‘ in the events field with Fam First (I will be pleased if I can just be a baller assistant ; ] ), buying my first home (which is somewhat in the works), and she recommends finding a rich, hot husband at one of the events while I’m at it….easy to see why I love her, huh?
White’s book while offering some advice that doesn’t sync with my belief and moral systems also gave some great advice about how to keep your life in balance, how to succeed in the workplace, and how to take full advantage of your resources including your best friends. If you’re in a place where you have some life decisions coming up or even if you’re not – I highly recommend asking these questions of those you trust to help provide guidance in your life. The responses will encourage you and perhaps shed light on your ‘next step’.
Love,
B
Be a doer.
I have yet to meet a person who has a hard time coming up with things they’d like to do, be, own, master, learn, etc. However, we all know more than a handful of people who are constantly talking about these desires without taking any action to get them closer to those goals. Our world is not without wanters, it is without doers.
Growing up one of my least favorite conversations with my Dad would start with, ‘who do you want to be’? He would proceed to drill me about the type of person I desire to be. My future career path. What does my life look like five years down the road? Ten? Twenty?
After all, my Dad’s job is essentially to take incredibly talented, hardworking athletes and make them better. He pushes even the Marvin Harrisons and the Reggie Waynes of the athletic world to achieve. So, for a living he motivates, tweaks, and pushes. This is a skill he also used/uses in parenting the three of us girls.
He always finished this conversation however, with a concept I’ve come to appreciate. That is he would always follow the drills about who I want to be with this loaded question, ‘Now what are you doing to get there’? Ah ha. This is where wanters move over to join the ranks of the doers. What are YOU doing to get where you want to be? This question places a great deal of the responsibility for your success on the rightful owner, you.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is an incredibly frustrating line of questioning. Especially when I was 16 and I felt like I shouldn’t be expected to know what I wanted my 40-year-old-life to look like. After all, wasn’t high school enough to handle at one time? I dreaded those conversations like you wouldn’t believe and have only recently since being out on my own, come to appreciate what those questions lead me to do. A. take responsibility and realize that ultimately – nothing is handed to you & B. if you’re not thinking about your future than your present isn’t purposeful.
There is much value in living in the present. However, don’t let enjoying today keep you from seeing tomorrow. The work you are doing now should be propelling you towards the future that you desire. Are you with me?
I tell my friends and students who haven’t entered the working world yet that when you consider your major in college, the internships you take, and your post-graduation job make sure that you’re building a life, not just a career. If you want to get married and have lots of kids and be a stay-at-home-mom (as many of my girlfriends do) then pick a career that will allow you to contribute to your family should you need too, without working full time. If you want to travel the world than either pick a job that will take you around the world, or a career that will enable you financially, to do so on your own.
Often you see 20-somethings floundering about in the their careers thinking they ‘just need a job’ but the truth is you should interview your future employers as much or more than they interview you. You do not want to be the employee who’s ever bouncing from job to job and the quality of your work will suffer if you take a job just for the money. My disclaimer to my previous statement though, is that you sometimes you do what you must to survive. For some, that will mean working just for the money at a given point in time. It happens. But as much as you can control it, always be working towards the future you want.
A close friend of mine recently made some life changes that may have seemed on the surface to be taking a step back career wise. Her goal is to make it to New York City as a writer however, and what could be perceived as a ‘step back’ was really a step towards where she wants to be long-term. She could have continued in the direction she was headed and worked her way up within the company she was currently with but it wasn’t going to lead her where she wanted to go.
Your twenties are for bold moves. Going after you want whole heartedly and not being afraid to fall on your face a few times in the process. More than likely, you won’t. If you do, use it as motivation. In the roughest patch of my life I kept my eye on the prize and used what I was unhappy with in my life to fuel my fire to achieve what I wanted. That is ultimately how I ended up in Tampa, back where I wanted to be.
Even when you get what you want, keep the attitude of forward thinking. When you land the job you desire or you make it to the city you want to live in, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to be considering your next move. Being content doesn’t mean being stagnant!..
Who do you want to be? Now tell me, what are you doing to get there?
Love,
B
Also if you haven’t already, please watch the video of my Daddy from my previous entry.
