I have yet to meet a person who has a hard time coming up with things they’d like to do, be, own, master, learn, etc. However, we all know more than a handful of people who are constantly talking about these desires without taking any action to get them closer to those goals. Our world is not without wanters, it is without doers.
Growing up one of my least favorite conversations with my Dad would start with, ‘who do you want to be’? He would proceed to drill me about the type of person I desire to be. My future career path. What does my life look like five years down the road? Ten? Twenty?
After all, my Dad’s job is essentially to take incredibly talented, hardworking athletes and make them better. He pushes even the Marvin Harrisons and the Reggie Waynes of the athletic world to achieve. So, for a living he motivates, tweaks, and pushes. This is a skill he also used/uses in parenting the three of us girls.
He always finished this conversation however, with a concept I’ve come to appreciate. That is he would always follow the drills about who I want to be with this loaded question, ‘Now what are you doing to get there’? Ah ha. This is where wanters move over to join the ranks of the doers. What are YOU doing to get where you want to be? This question places a great deal of the responsibility for your success on the rightful owner, you.
Now don’t get me wrong, this is an incredibly frustrating line of questioning. Especially when I was 16 and I felt like I shouldn’t be expected to know what I wanted my 40-year-old-life to look like. After all, wasn’t high school enough to handle at one time? I dreaded those conversations like you wouldn’t believe and have only recently since being out on my own, come to appreciate what those questions lead me to do. A. take responsibility and realize that ultimately – nothing is handed to you & B. if you’re not thinking about your future than your present isn’t purposeful.
There is much value in living in the present. However, don’t let enjoying today keep you from seeing tomorrow. The work you are doing now should be propelling you towards the future that you desire. Are you with me?
I tell my friends and students who haven’t entered the working world yet that when you consider your major in college, the internships you take, and your post-graduation job make sure that you’re building a life, not just a career. If you want to get married and have lots of kids and be a stay-at-home-mom (as many of my girlfriends do) then pick a career that will allow you to contribute to your family should you need too, without working full time. If you want to travel the world than either pick a job that will take you around the world, or a career that will enable you financially, to do so on your own.
Often you see 20-somethings floundering about in the their careers thinking they ‘just need a job’ but the truth is you should interview your future employers as much or more than they interview you. You do not want to be the employee who’s ever bouncing from job to job and the quality of your work will suffer if you take a job just for the money. My disclaimer to my previous statement though, is that you sometimes you do what you must to survive. For some, that will mean working just for the money at a given point in time. It happens. But as much as you can control it, always be working towards the future you want.
A close friend of mine recently made some life changes that may have seemed on the surface to be taking a step back career wise. Her goal is to make it to New York City as a writer however, and what could be perceived as a ‘step back’ was really a step towards where she wants to be long-term. She could have continued in the direction she was headed and worked her way up within the company she was currently with but it wasn’t going to lead her where she wanted to go.
Your twenties are for bold moves. Going after you want whole heartedly and not being afraid to fall on your face a few times in the process. More than likely, you won’t. If you do, use it as motivation. In the roughest patch of my life I kept my eye on the prize and used what I was unhappy with in my life to fuel my fire to achieve what I wanted. That is ultimately how I ended up in Tampa, back where I wanted to be.
Even when you get what you want, keep the attitude of forward thinking. When you land the job you desire or you make it to the city you want to live in, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to be considering your next move. Being content doesn’t mean being stagnant!..
Who do you want to be? Now tell me, what are you doing to get there?
Love,
B
Also if you haven’t already, please watch the video of my Daddy from my previous entry.
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For twenty-three glorious years as a shopaholic I have operated under the idea that when it comes to the art of shopping, practice makes perfect. And practice I have dear readers. Faithfully and with an intensity that keeps shopping with me from being a sport for the faint of heart.
Since graduating college and moving into the realm of young professionalism though, I have changed my shopping attitude a bit. In middle school and most of high school I was in the quantity field. Always wanting more, more, more. If I could go a month without wearing the same thing twice I was happy.
In college I started to refine my style. No more graphic tees for this girl, it was time to start building the wardrobe of success. The one I could take with me. And so I began. Slowly but surely I started to dress more seriously, more professionally. I found this promoted my professors as well as my coworkers and fellow students taking me seriously. An idea I rather liked. I began to shift my focus from quantity to quality!
There’s a piece in the September InStyle with 75 tips for shopping smarter. Some of these I’ve come to live by and it has dramatically increased the quality of the wardrobe as well as reduced the amount of time, energy, and money (overall) that I spend maintaining it.
Here’s a few highlights for all you shopaholics out there, trying to refine, simplify, and streamline your own collections.
- Know what you have.
A great way I’ve found to keep up with what I have (so as to better know my needs and even my wants) is to go through my closet(s) once per month and reevaluate. I have yet to do this without finding at least a handful of clothes and accessories I’m ready to retire. I keep a laundry basket handy where I place these things to be taken either to the consignment shop I use, or to Goodwill. This dramatically reduces my hanger crisis as it keeps me from wasting space on items I haven’t worn in months.
-Keep a running list.
One stylist who contributed to the article says they keep a list per season of their needs. That way when they’re shopping they can stay focused. This would be helpful for me as I tend to be easily sidetracked by fun colors, new trends, or a great pair of shoes. Now that I’ve been able to build a sizable wardrobe I really only need a few items per season to keep it fresh.
- Shop before noon.
They suggest that you shop early while the sales people are fresh and available. Before they get overwhelmed, annoyed, or just distracted. After working in retail with Coach for a while I would say this is a great tip! It’s easy as the day goes on to get too busy to take the same amount of time with a customer at 1:00 in the afternoon as you can with someone who comes in at 10:15 and asks you to help them pick the perfect career bag.
Another section of the article lists what is splurge-worthy and what you should save money by skimping on. I was in nearly complete agreement with these lists but to highlight a few for you…
Splurge worthy are: a great handbag. The right designer handbag should be a staple in every 20-something’s wardrobe. It can make an outfit. It can inspire confidence. I think back to when Lauren ‘LC’ Conrad from the Hills got her first designer handbag. It was a black Chanel tote bag. Gifted to her by her then-boyfriend (Jason), she’s carried it for years. Simple, classic, but stylish.
Great designer bags can be carried for extended periods of time. Now, this is not me giving you license to carry the same dag-gone-bag everyday for 5 years. Chanel or not, please don’t. Black doesn’t go with everything. Change it up. BUT you could have one really nice designer go-to bag, and spend less on the others.
Also spurge-worthy are shoes. Don’t pick cheap shoes, it shows. That doesn’t mean spend a fortune on every pair. A $5 pair of flip flops is great for a day at the pool. But spend a bit more on your shoes for interviews, banquets, and dates. I’ve never worked in shoe sales myself but I can spot a 20 dollar pair of pumps from across the room. Cheap footwear takes a toll on your first impression and on your feet. Have you ever tried to walk a great distance on cheap stilettos? No thanks.
Staples – also worth a splurge. If you can match it with anything and wear it forever, spend the cash. The example used in the magazine is a Burberry trench. Classic. Timeless. Effortlessly fashionable. I would love to have one myself, though in Florida that doesn’t seem the most practical choice of a designer staple. You get the idea.
So where can you skimp and still be ‘InStyle’? Tees. You can find great tees for reasonable. A few retailers that were recommended in the article: Topshop, Uniqlo, and Zara. Funny they should mention Zara since Candy turned me on to them when she hit International Plaza (here in Tampa) while visiting me. She ranted and raved about how cute their clothes were and I hit it up myself a month or so later. I just bought a darling grey tee there this weekend! Better than the look and price – the feel! It’s the softest tee I’ve ever felt. I’m.in.love!
Save on trendy pieces! If it’s going to be tossed at the end of the season, it’s not worth premium dollar. InStyle said it, I agree!
Baggy items also made the save list. Tailor items may be worth a little extra but if you’re going baggy (which is so in right now) then save. Not worth the big bucks.
I think the key is learning to pair the right pieces. The article mentions that you can wear a $10 tank top and your oldest pair of jeans with a killer pair of shoes and it changes the whole outfit dynamic. I feel the same way about that splurge-worthy designer handbag, you can pair it with a cute sweatsuit and make the outfit (think Victoria Beckham). In my book, the accessories often times make the outfit.
Well there’s my shopping 411 for the weekend. I did my research so I thought I would share it with you. That’s my final tip in fact, do your own research! You can get great deals on your dream items if you do enough research. I’ve gotten some of my favorite handbags that way.
Best of luck.
Love,
B
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Dear Suze Orman,
You have ruined all my fun. My savings account thanks you.
Love,
B
So, since being the money nazi to all my friends for the past few months and doing well with my money myself…it was time to take my relationship with financial savvy to the next level. Time to pour over my last 3 statements and add up exactly where my money’s been going in June, July, and August.
If you would like to be thoroughly depressed, start here. Despite becoming increasingly better at saving and getting ahead financially, this was still a revealing process. I see now where my money is going and where I need to reevaluate and cut back.
Oh cut backs, no one likes those. But learn now, benefit later – right? For me this starts with eating in. Blah, I know. Eating out with friends is more fun and doesn’t require doing any dishes – but there’s heck to pay on my budget when it gets out of hand. That’s category #1 in the new cutback plan. Thankfully, I have great friends and so, I’m teaming up with some of them to make eating in equally fun and social. Cooking for friends is more fun & still less expensive than eating out…especially when they take turns and cook for you.
Depending on how long you’ve been reading my blog you may already know that I’ve been on a finance kick since the New Year. I decided 2009 was my year to dominate the world of personal finance. 5 books and a few budget cuts later I’m debt free and saving hard. BUT in the name of being a life-long-learner I am signing on to take Dave Ramsey’s ‘Financial Peace University’ class at my church next month.
Dave Ramsey is one of the few guru’s I haven’t explored yet. I hear however, he’s quite the extremist. The cut-up-those-credit-cards-and-live-in-cash types. Hmm, we shall see. On that note, one of the best things I’ve done for myself in 2009 is use my credit card. Now before you let your imagination run away with you, listen up. I have never paid interest on a credit card, ever. I pay it off. I use my credit card and then I pay it off weekly online. Why? Because I’m all for getting something for nothing. My credit card points have earned me all sorts of rewards and it hasn’t cost me a cent.
My disclaimer is this, until you’ve gotten yourself under control financially – don’t try this at home. Plenty of people have used credit with the best of intentions and gotten themselves in trouble. If this is your struggle than my game plan is not for you. However, if you’re good on a budget and can tell yourself no, it’s a great way to get some freebies.
I’ve studied my money, money, money this weekend and now it’s back to the grind.
Love,
B
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From birth to age eighteen a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on she needs cash.
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