She Lacks Balance

During my 12ish weeks of ‘consulting’ I figured out I have two major problems: I have a hard time making things simple and foundational (I overcomplicate everything) and I have a tendency to be an extremist.  When I take those personality tests, as I’ve done four times this year through different companies, I always return the result of being a high achiever.  Self-motivated I can always finish a task list with the best of them.  While going through consulting he pointed out to me that while nearly every single person who makes goals needs to identify their ‘why’ for each goal, I am that freakish one in three-million (his numbers, not mine) who would complete the task out of sheer will even if I didn’t know why.

As I get older, read more, go through consulting,  and learn about my personality I continue to desire balance.  I don’t want to change.  I love that by the time my friends wake up on their days off I’ve been at it three hours with a workout, clean house, blogpost, hour of reading, and a crockpot meal going.  That pace brings me joy and I honestly feel more relaxed by cooking and cleaning then I would by staying in bed til 9 or 10am.  Now let’s insert the big but here: I do want to be balanced.  When (crazy) people like me are out of balance we get ridiculous about silly things.  You know what has brought me the most clarity on this?  Dating.

We were watching a movie the other night and I made the offhanded statement that I really needed to cut myself off from movies and TV until I catch up on my reading goal.  I absolutely hate being behind on anything as you might imagine and having my goal glaringly reminding me I’m 2 or 3 books behind gives me anxiety.  To which he responds ‘Don’t you think that the 50+ books you’ve already read this year is achievement enough?  You could just enjoy your reading for the rest of the year and stop pressuring yourself’.

Oh.  Wait.  You’re right.

Goals are good and healthy and for me they kind of make the world go round.  And writing them down, which not enough people do, make people increasingly likely to end a year where they wanted too. But, for those of us who become obsessed, sometimes we need someone else to help us find the areas that lack balance.  If I finish this year having read only 60 books, that’s ok.  Not reading at all for a year, that would not be ok with me.  I desire to be someone who is always learning and growing through written words and I don’t see that desire changing anytime soon.  However, reading 60 books instead of 75 and enjoying my life a little more along the way?  Well, that wouldn’t be such a failure now would it?

Before I close this post I wanted to say that I have begun my fall task of determining my goals for next year and I’m already feeling excited about them.  I’m trying to choose goals that will give me more balance, freedom to enjoy life, and let me be more creative in the year to come.  I anticipate that 2015 will not be any less eventful then 2014 has been but I’m using the knowledge and understanding I gained this year to make next year my best and perhaps most balanced year yet.


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