One Month Later

Here’s what I already love about 2015: I am reaping the benefits of making my theme for 2014 being intentional. Last year I built strong friendships, which are thriving in this New Year. I am enjoying the groove I find myself in with my workouts, my bible reading, keeping up my house, and writing out weekly goals. I built the habits last year while I was being intentional and now they’re feeling more second nature than constant effort in 2015.

So what, you may wonder, is my word for 2015. Determined. With a tighter budget, bigger goals, and better plans I am determined to reach every goal and pursue every dream this year.

What I didn’t anticipate was that this year would start out as tough as it has. In Christianese we call this ‘being under attack’. I don’t like to overuse those types of terms but it’s somewhat fitting. This year has had the feel of a battle. Last year I wrote that the Lord was teaching me to have steady faith whatever the circumstances but I didn’t realize that would carry into this year without as much vengeance.

2015 has come with some hard decisions. It has included stiff payment for making tough calls. And it has required me to use the better part of everything my parents taught me.

Through those circumstances I reminded myself every morning in my quiet time that faith is a choice. One that you sometimes have to cling to or repeat over and over in your head on days it doesn’t come naturally. In an attempt not to ‘pull an Israelite’ as I like to call it and wander in the desert forgetting what the Lord has already done I repeated to myself over and over all that the Lord has already done in my life (and that list is lengthy).

There have been a lot of quiet mornings with coffee and an open bible working through these challenges – in fact, if I had to sum up 2015 in an instagrammable square cube that would be it. Me on my red couch with a cup of coffee and my bible open looking a little tired, a little worn out, and more than a little hopeful.

Just when this year seemed to be getting in an uncomfortable but manageable groove the Lord allowed one more curve ball my way. This one’s been tougher to tackle. For all the ‘workouts’ my faith has received over the years there is still something terrifying about walking by faith and not sight, isn’t there? This is always hardest for me when I have to trust the Lord for the people I love. I trust him but man do I want to fix and handle and promise when the people I love are hurting.

So this week I’m bringing it back to this: ‘But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying you are my God! My future is in your hands’ – Psalm 31:14-15 Well, not just my future.

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