Late and Limping

For 21 days my church is hosting a 6am prayer.  The idea is that you come and you pray over the names that have been written all over the walls – for their salvation this Easter.  So Sunday night after a busy weekend as I was winding down my much treasured Sabbath I decided I wanted to start my week there. In the quiet, dark sanctuary praying about what and who the Lord has on my heart right now.

If you picture just that: me sitting quietly on my couch with my study bible closing out another week deciding to head to the church 2.5 hours early the next morning it’s a pretty picture.  It’s the side of life we want, right?  I’m in the habit of saying: I wish I were one of those really calm, laid back people.

This is how my life (and often, my faith) really play out…

I had a hard time falling asleep (which NEVER happens to me).  I slept fitfully, I woke often.  When my alarm went off at 4:45 I was groggy.  I slapped my alarm and turned on the light before I was tempted to fall back asleep.  I hurried around the house realizing I hadn’t adjusted the coffee pot time so I wasted 5 sleepy minutes waiting for it to brew.  Then I carried the coffee and a huge mason jar of water up to the bathroom to get ready.

Somehow I knock said mason jar off the bathroom counter, crushing my toe and making a racket I’m sure woke at least one of my neighbors. I hopped around on my remaining foot thinking all of the upset emoji’s in my head.  The hobbling slowed me down and I got in the car and on the road later than I planned. I HATE being late, by the way.  All of the slow people were in the passing lane.  I repeated to myself that perhaps, this was all just part of it.

Don’t rush, I tell myself daily.  This morning as I’m driving 65 up the interstate running late with a throbbing foot I’m reminding myself that getting a speeding ticket on your way to a prayer meeting would be really pathetic.  So I set my cruise control and turned on a praise song, trying to accepted that while I was going to be 5 minutes late to my meeting, I didn’t need a special place to spend time with the Lord.

First song I choose on my iPhone as I drive: Trust in You by Lauren Daigle.  The lyric that jumped out at me was this: there’s not a day ahead you have not seen.  I have a lot going on in my life right now.  People counting on me.  Decisions to be made.  House projects, speeches to write, trips to plan.  I worry sometimes about the unknown so when I get a full plate I sometimes start to obsess over the minor details.  I don’t want to have so much on my plate that I fail at any one thing.  I don’t want to forget something important.  I need to be fully prepared for my next two teaching opportunities.  Always, always I find myself back here repeating to myself don’t rush, there’s not a day ahead he hasn’t seen.

I made it to the prayer meeting exactly 5 minutes late.  And I limped my way in on my injured, throbbing foot.  And I sat alone in the back in the silence.  I prayed about the things and for the people I most needed to start my week in prayer for and then I just sat: in silence.

I read this amazing verse last night from Psalm 75:3 – ‘When the earth quakes and the people live in turmoil, I am the one who keeps it’s foundations firm’.

There are a million days I feel like I’m a mess.  I’m late and I’m limping.  To be honest, I forgot to even check my outfit in the mirror before I hurriedly hobbled out the door.  But over and over I am reminded that I know the one who keeps the foundation of the earth firm.  What better, more solid footing is there to stand on than that?  And when I show up hurting and a little bit late – he’s there.

Try though I might I’m not sure I’ll ever be one of those super laid back people.  I’ll always hate being late and have to carry an extra shirt because I frequently spill on myself.  Clumsy seems to haunt me so I’ll probably kill a few more toenails and hop around a few more bathrooms with my face scrunched up in pain.  But there’s not a messy, slightly late, little bit broken day ahead that the Lord hasn’t already seen and planned for.  There’s an incredible amount of peace in that.

So, if there’s an encouragement in all this I guess it’s that life and the faith walk are not always pretty.  Even when we’re really trying to get it right, it can be a struggle.  The days are long, the years are short, and the walk is rocky.  So press into the one that keeps the foundation firm.  He can handle it.

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